It's important for you to realize that Scott and I are
best friends.
We me after high school and lived together in an old lady's attic for a summer. Nowadays we eat spicy chicken sandwiches, shoot pool, and go through phases together. These phases are usually carefully selected. We're in a lumberjack phase now, so we are buying plaid shirts, stirring our coffee with our thumbs, and growing beards. Everything is more hilarious when you have a beard.
The beard thing was an idea Scott had when he found out he would need knee surgery this month. He could recover from surgery and grow his beard to the manliest, most hilarious length and then walk back out into the social world as if nothing were different.
Beautiful.
Scott had his surgery on thursday, and got an infection on tuesday. Scott described this to me as severely painful. I didn't even know that Scott felt pain; I've seen him touch fires. At the hospital yesterday, the doctors explained that infections can be serious, and that there's a even a chance he could lose his leg. This has been a pretty scary thought for everyone, and it inevitably lead to me and Scott discussing options.
Here is part of our conversation (via text):
Mike: Hey do you know if they still do peg legs? Like if you asked specifically for one. I think a peg leg would be my preference.
Scott: Ideally I would have an interchangeable system. you know, walking leg, paralympic running leg, peg leg, planet terror gun leg...
Mike: Ooo ya I like that. A leg that looks real, but
then you pull a sword out of your foot.
Scott: A secret room in my house for all my legs
Mike: Pogo leg. Jet leg (pun). Maybe terry fox-esque vintage leg, for a hipster feel.
Scott: My Get Smart telephone leg.
Mike: You would be bearded in this scenario, of course.
Scott: Maybe just a realistic leg, and then some sick sick canes! Or a couple pieces in my leg build a gun, and then my cane is a barrel I screw on.
Mike: Easy! How about a cane that shoots knock-out darts? Or just go for the woodsy old man. Oak walking stick.
Scott: And my nice pimp cane for formal events.
Mike: You can put notches in canes. You can point at things with them. Or lift a kneeling guys chin up with it before you tell your goons to kill him.
Scott: Ya or hook a bad act off stage. haha I just made myself chuckle a little bit there.
Mike: Classic! Candy cane at christmas? The girls would freak.
Scott: barber shop quartet act.
Mike: Even after your knee heals up, you should probably just run with this cane thing a for awhile. It's money! ha! monopoly guy!
Scott: Those scenarios were making me pretty happy until I realized in all of them I was picturing a perfectly healthy capable guy with cool toys
Mike: Most likeyly the case. Both of us with canes and perfectly healthy bodies. Hey! Haloween idea: normal guy with a cane, CANE AND ABLE!
Scott: Nice.
Scott is still in the hospital. And I am still praying. But at least we know that no matter what happens, we will be best friends, and we will be pimp.
